Gray November blues

I’ve been lethargic for the last two or three weeks, which is frustrating, because there are a number of projects I need to complete. I bought new strings for my guitar three weeks ago because the top string broke, but I haven’t taken the time to restring the guitar. I have replaced the railing on one side of the front steps, but the other side needs to be done too. I haven’t even raked leaves in more than a month. I’m sure that seems passive-aggressive to Mrs. Dim and my other neighbors, who have been frantically raking and bagging several times a week. But, in my defense, when the weather is good I’m busy doing other things; when I have time to rake leaves, it is raining or has recently rained and the leaves are wet. (Not that wet leaves stop Mrs. Dim from blowing and gathering and bagging leaves.)

For most of my life, I’ve lived in places where the trees are bare by Veterans’ Day. Even now November seems to bring gloom and fatigue. Five years ago I had just suffered a wrenching series of problems (which I now describe as the Mayan apocalypse). I think those memories are flavoring November this year. On top of that, I’ve been experiencing fierce tinnitus (ringing in the ears) all this autumn. It’s like hearing tree frogs day and night, only about two octaves higher.

Thursday afternoon, driving to teach a class, I suddenly had an unusual sense of well-being. I don’t know why—it may have been the blue sky and the unseasonably warm temperature. Anyhow, I felt good the rest of the evening. Friday brought me back down to earth. The contents of the storage shed which burned last spring had been taken for cleaning and were finally scheduled to be returned on Friday. I arranged to be off of work Friday morning, and I waited for the phone call from the delivery person. No call came. I was feeling increasingly stressed as noon approached. I tried calling the company, but only a machine answered the phone. I ate lunch, changed clothes, and drove to work. When I arrived, I had a message waiting on my phone. The company had given the driver my work number instead of my home number. I called him, agreed to meet him at one o’clock, got another employee to cover my responsibilities for the afternoon and drove home. It took about fifteen minutes for the two of us to unload the truck. (He thanked me for helping.) So now I have boxes of Christmas decorations waiting to be unpacked last month; and our traditional autumn decorations are in place finally, even though they were not out for Halloween.

Some people battle with frequent colds and others wrestle with allergies. My struggles are hidden inside of me, where no one else can detect or measure them. Even as simple an action as sifting through my WordPress Reader, clicking on posts, reading them, liking them, and perhaps commenting on them—even that pales after a few minutes and I turn to assembling a virtual jigsaw puzzle on the computer. This too shall pass; it always does. Blame the month of November. J.

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