World religions and the LCC

I would rather have a Muslim family or two living in the neighborhood and practicing Sharia Law than be surrounded by neighbors active in the Lawn Care Cult (LCC).

In fact I would be delighted to live in a religiously diverse neighborhood, populated by Muslims, Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, Daoists, Confucianists—even an eloquent atheist or two. I would want to organize a neighborhood book club in which we read about one another’s sacred traditions and discussed them respectfully—not as a debate, but as a genuine gathering to understand each other. But no matter how long I live, I will never understand the LCC.

A thought came to me while I was mowing this morning. My attitude toward lawn care resembles the attitude many people have toward Christianity: one hour a week is sufficient to meet my needs, and often other priorities cancel even that one hour of the week. I go through the proper motions to get through the hour as quickly as I can; and when I’m done, I’m done. God understands. Anyhow, I’ve never been too impressed with organized lawn care.

I started mowing after nine o’clock this morning. Mrs. Dim started mowing and trimming at seven. After all, you have to get to work early in the summer, before the day gets too hot. Churches ring their bells on Sunday mornings, so why shouldn’t members of the LCC be active early in the day? My daughters were grumpy about waking up to the noise, but I have taught them to be respectful about other people’s religious beliefs and practices.

I have said before that I wish I could be as zealous in my Christianity as Mrs. Dim is with her lawn care. Perhaps the problem is that the LCC has not found a way to make lawn care an uplifting experience. They have not experimented with ways to make lawn care more attractive to people new to the community, those who have not grown up nurtured in the LCC and its practices. They have not had meetings in which they ask each other what would make lawn care more attractive to those who are not part of their group. They do have pamphlets and flyers (from the Cooperative Extension Service and from Home Depot) and they have a weekly column in the local newspaper—in the very same section that contains the weekly religious column, the daily television listings, and the daily comics.

Noon is approaching, and Mrs. Dim is still finding tasks to keep her busy in her back yard. She calls it “piddling,” which sounds odd to me. I always thought “piddling” was what a puppy did on the kitchen floor if you didn’t get the puppy outside quickly enough. I have finished mowing, did a little trimming, and put my tools away long ago—I’ve had a shower and gotten some other tasks done, which is normal for a Saturday. In fact, since I started tying this paragraph, Mrs. Dim started blowing imaginary dirt off her deck, which has led to Rimsky-Korsakov’s “Scheherazade” playing on my CD player. Oh, for some Sharia to discuss sometime! J.


9 thoughts on “World religions and the LCC

  1. I grew up as a military brat. Military regulation provided the holy writ for the LCC. As a military officer I never lived on base. I mow, but I do the minimum, and I have given up fertilizing, weeding and watering the lawn. Fertilizer just makes the grass grow faster. Weeding kills pretty flowers like dandelions and clover. Beside, clover and other such weeds add nitrogen to the soil. So I don’t have to fertilize the law. Finally, if it doesn’t rain, that just means I don’t have to mow. Why ruin a good thing by watering the lawn.

    Still, there is that thing called the homeowner’s association. I moved into a community with a homeowners association reluctantly. I considered the possibility of buying a house without any such nonsense, but I decided that this was one of those occasions where there actually is safety in numbers. Of course, shortly after I moved in, the architectural committee went after some guy because he had violated the rules for painting his house.

    So I do enough law care to keep the wildlife at bay, LCC members from going bonkers, and the HOA from trying to fine me.

    Note, however, that I have a plan. I have plenty of trees, birds and squirrels on my little lot. I tell folks that I like trees, birds, and squirrels. I just don’t bother to mention that trees shade the grass and keep it from growing so fast. It is not a perfect plan. I have to mulch leaves, trim off branches, and pick up sticks, but the trees do keep the yard cooler in the summer. Trees also attract birds and squirrels. The grass just grows and attracts snakes.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I nurture the clover and the violets and enjoy the trees, the squirrels (except when they rob our tomato harvest) and the birds. We have some ordinances about lawn care, but they’re pretty broad, and I stay well within the legal limits. J.

      Liked by 1 person

    • HA! Yeah, in our small town the city started putting up red signs in peoples’ yards if the grass gets too long. In some ways that an okay thing, especially if someone has a bunch of trash in the yard and all, but it can get a bit inconvenient also. Love the analogy with church; sad but true.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Our association doesn’t do anything worse than send out newsletters that I don’t read, hold meetings that I don’t attend, and maintain a Facebook page that I don’t visit. I’m told that the Facebook page is largely dedicated to spying on neighbors. J.

      Liked by 1 person

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