Here is my side of a conversation I would like to have, but probably never will have:
Good morning, Mrs. Dim. You know, we’ve been neighbors for several years now. One thing I’ve noticed all this time is that, when you let your dog outside, he comes out of the house barking, and you always scold him. I suppose you don’t want his barking to bother the neighbors. If so, I appreciate your concern; but, let me assure you, your dog’s barking is far from the most bothering sounds we hear coming from your property.
They say that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I guess it’s probably true. I think your dog enjoys hearing his name every time he comes out of the house. It assures him that you like him and that you are paying attention to him. He barks, and then you bark back. Yes, it’s tough to train an animal, but one of you is well-trained. The other one is getting what he wants every time he goes outside.
I don’t expect this little conversation to change anything. I just wanted to let you know how I feel. Your dog’s barking doesn’t bother me in the least, so please don’t worry about it anymore.
Have a nice day, Mrs. Dim.